My owner has commanded me to write this, in real time, about what is happening to me tonight. It started this morning when she decided to play with something I had a dream about and we have talked about in the past. The idea was simple, that she could control what, if anything, I felt about people I knew. She took her time getting me to a really deep place this morning and then took away all of my emotions and feelings regarding people other than her. It didn't matter whether it was my mother, my sister, my exgirlfriend, anybody...I felt nothing unless she wanted me to.
She left me like that all day, occasionally asking questions about people to see how well her work took and to show me how controlled I was. That leads us to tonight, where she has taken things even further.
As I sit here now I feel nothing but my place as my owners property. I feel my love and devotion for her and my desire to be completely owned and completely obedient. Nothing else in this world matters to me. I am writing this blog post because she has commanded me to. I can't imagine doing anything other than what she commands me to do.
Throughout the night she has raised and lowered my awareness of emotion and thought concerning people in my life. She has teased me with it. She has toyed with it. She has made me forget everyone but her. It has taught me some interesting things.
I want her to have this much control over me. I accept that this much control means that she can do what she wills with me. I trust her completely. I want her to be able to alter, remove, destroy my emotions, my memory, my everything. I trust her to take good care of me and I truly believe that whatever state I wind up in it will be what she believes is best for us and that I will be happy in it. Just as I am happy in the state I am in now.
I have also learned just how dark our respective natures are. We are both incredibly turned on by this event. We both know that it is a marker of just how deep we are. Just how much she owns me...just how much I need to be owned. I am in awe of it. She has made me aware of a dial in my head. It goes from 100 down past 0 into negative numbers. This dial controls my ability to feel regarding parts of my life other than her, and her ownership of me. She has told me that she may never turn it back to 100...right now it is at negative...negative something. I know how much work she has put into this so I know she intends to use it. She intends to use me. I am so thankful and so happy for everything she does to me. Everything she takes from me. I may never completely feel other than for her again. If she chooses that than I will accept it. I will be happy with it. I will be proud that she thought doing this to me was worth it. I am proud to be hers.
So thank you, my love, my owner. This piece of property could not be happier.
Showing posts with label femdom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label femdom. Show all posts
Friday, December 11, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Visit. Part I
In which our hero travels miles and miles to see his owner for the first time in way too long...
I drove...and I drove...and I drove.
I drove a bit more.
Eventually I pulled over into a parking lot and slept for half an hour (it was supposed to be fifteen minutes.) My phone rings (I miss it.) My phone rings again (I don't.) It is my owner!!! She wants to know where I am. (The answer is a little less than 2 hours away.)
I drove some more. We talked. We were giddy. I was telling her every mile marker and every exit I passed (almost every one anyway.) She has to go to work (I pout.) We meet in a parking lot near her office. She had warned me she would be shy. She was not as shy as she said she would be. We hugged. We kissed. We talked. We hugged. We kissed. She had to go to work (I pout some more.)
She reminded me that I needed to sleep. But I couldn't get into the hotel room until around 2 (It was 8 am) I go find a parking lot and quickly turn the backseat of my car into a makeshift bed. I sleep like the dead for about 3.5 hours. Suddenly I am awoken (from a bad dream about being taken away by the secret police,) by a knock on the car window.
It is not the secret police (well...not really anyway.)
It is not even the real police.
It is...
MY OWNER!!!!
She takes me to lunch. We are giddy. We talk. We share disgusting levels of PDA (we really are very cute together.)
After lunch I follow her back to her office. I get to see her office. She has cute posters. It is small and cramped but it is her own office. Not to shabby for her first "real" job, I say.
After a quick goodbye I leave her office and travel the 15 miles to my hotel. Normally 15 miles would not seem very long....but I was very tired AND I had driven approximately 900 miles the day before. I check in to the hotel room. It is clean. It has a big fluffy bed... I put the big fluffy bed to use...I sleep, again, like the dead.
5pm comes. She appears in the hotel room (I left a key at the desk for her.) I am sooooo happy. But still a little sleepy. She drags me out of bed (girly pajamas and all,) and sends me to take a quick shower before we go to dinner...with her family.
Not to fear though...all went well at dinner. It was very nice. I talked football with her father. I talked work with her mother. She said few words the whole time but occasionally patted my leg. I think it was to tell me I was doing alright (I was SO nervous.)
Dinner eventually ended though and we went back to the hotel...and that is when things got interesting...
We cuddled. We kissed. We talked. She put me under. We talked. We kissed. We cuddled. She put me under. She woke me up. She put me under. Eventually once she had me good and ready she started playing with sudden inductions and other interesting hypnosis type fun. It was not long at all before I did not know which way was up (or which way was awake..or asleep...or... I am getting kind of dazy and happy just thinking about it.)
Eventually we both needed a bit of a pickmeup, and decided that milkshakes were just the thing. We went across the street to the Steak and Shake...we were sitting waiting for our milkshakes when suddenly I felt her finger at the base of my skull. She pushed firmly and growled in my ear to sleep. I think it took me by such surprise that I was gone before I realized it. Soon the firm pressure at that point where brain meets body was replaced by a gentle, rythmic, tapping. Soon my very empty head was very full. Of one.single.word.
Obey.
I felt like I was hearing it all around me. Inside my head, outside my head. I was awash with pleasure and feelings of extreme submission. The only thing in my head was my owners soft voice telling me to obey. Soon she was telling me other things too...I only vaguely heard them though. Then there was a *snap* and I was awake.
I looked at my owner and smiled. She subtly nodded to the people who were trying to watch up without looking like they were watching. Clearly we had put on a bit of a show. Then, my owner started counting down from 10. 9. 8...
The more she counted the heavier my body began to feel. I suddenly felt an increasing need to kneel in front of her...it was then that what she had said to me while I was so happily gone came into focus. She had told me that as she counted down from 10 to 1 I would feel a heaviness that would force me to kneel before her when she reached 1. She stopped, charitable, in the restaurant when she reached 4. I could barely stand up to retrieve our milkshakes. I wobbled to the car because I could barely walk.
As we started walking into the hotel room she started counting again. 3...2... she reached 1 as the door closed behind us. I dropped to my knees with a feeling of bliss and relief that you would have to feel to understand. My knees were the only place I could be and the only place I could want to be in that moment. My owner slowly walked around in front of me...forcing me to look up at her from my knees. Suddenly everything went fuzzy again. Soon after everything went dark and soft and warm. I was in what she has named my dolly space... where I think dolly thoughts...and I wait for my owner.
At this point I must stop and note that my owner is not a practiced sadist. She does not know if she is comfortable with hurting her property, even if it is fun and ultimately harmless...but she wanted to find out.
Without warning she snapped loudly, bringing the world in to focus. However that lasted less than a second before she slapped me full on the face, far harder than anyone has hit me in my life. I kneeled there, dumbfounded, shocked, practically in a trance again...I don't know if I was smiling, but I know Iwas as hard as I had ever been. She released me from my kneeling position and was soon cradling me in her arms. I was shaking and she was scared. We sat there for a while as I told her over and over again that it was okay. That I wanted it. That it made me happy... That I was hers.
And I am.
Coming soon will be the visit part II as well as a special surprise. The Owner, herself, will soon be making appearances here to share her thoughts on our relationship and to offer her perception of how and why things have happened. I am so excited to read what she has to say!
I drove...and I drove...and I drove.
I drove a bit more.
Eventually I pulled over into a parking lot and slept for half an hour (it was supposed to be fifteen minutes.) My phone rings (I miss it.) My phone rings again (I don't.) It is my owner!!! She wants to know where I am. (The answer is a little less than 2 hours away.)
I drove some more. We talked. We were giddy. I was telling her every mile marker and every exit I passed (almost every one anyway.) She has to go to work (I pout.) We meet in a parking lot near her office. She had warned me she would be shy. She was not as shy as she said she would be. We hugged. We kissed. We talked. We hugged. We kissed. She had to go to work (I pout some more.)
She reminded me that I needed to sleep. But I couldn't get into the hotel room until around 2 (It was 8 am) I go find a parking lot and quickly turn the backseat of my car into a makeshift bed. I sleep like the dead for about 3.5 hours. Suddenly I am awoken (from a bad dream about being taken away by the secret police,) by a knock on the car window.
It is not the secret police (well...not really anyway.)
It is not even the real police.
It is...
MY OWNER!!!!
She takes me to lunch. We are giddy. We talk. We share disgusting levels of PDA (we really are very cute together.)
After lunch I follow her back to her office. I get to see her office. She has cute posters. It is small and cramped but it is her own office. Not to shabby for her first "real" job, I say.
After a quick goodbye I leave her office and travel the 15 miles to my hotel. Normally 15 miles would not seem very long....but I was very tired AND I had driven approximately 900 miles the day before. I check in to the hotel room. It is clean. It has a big fluffy bed... I put the big fluffy bed to use...I sleep, again, like the dead.
5pm comes. She appears in the hotel room (I left a key at the desk for her.) I am sooooo happy. But still a little sleepy. She drags me out of bed (girly pajamas and all,) and sends me to take a quick shower before we go to dinner...with her family.
Not to fear though...all went well at dinner. It was very nice. I talked football with her father. I talked work with her mother. She said few words the whole time but occasionally patted my leg. I think it was to tell me I was doing alright (I was SO nervous.)
Dinner eventually ended though and we went back to the hotel...and that is when things got interesting...
We cuddled. We kissed. We talked. She put me under. We talked. We kissed. We cuddled. She put me under. She woke me up. She put me under. Eventually once she had me good and ready she started playing with sudden inductions and other interesting hypnosis type fun. It was not long at all before I did not know which way was up (or which way was awake..or asleep...or... I am getting kind of dazy and happy just thinking about it.)
Eventually we both needed a bit of a pickmeup, and decided that milkshakes were just the thing. We went across the street to the Steak and Shake...we were sitting waiting for our milkshakes when suddenly I felt her finger at the base of my skull. She pushed firmly and growled in my ear to sleep. I think it took me by such surprise that I was gone before I realized it. Soon the firm pressure at that point where brain meets body was replaced by a gentle, rythmic, tapping. Soon my very empty head was very full. Of one.single.word.
Obey.
I felt like I was hearing it all around me. Inside my head, outside my head. I was awash with pleasure and feelings of extreme submission. The only thing in my head was my owners soft voice telling me to obey. Soon she was telling me other things too...I only vaguely heard them though. Then there was a *snap* and I was awake.
I looked at my owner and smiled. She subtly nodded to the people who were trying to watch up without looking like they were watching. Clearly we had put on a bit of a show. Then, my owner started counting down from 10. 9. 8...
The more she counted the heavier my body began to feel. I suddenly felt an increasing need to kneel in front of her...it was then that what she had said to me while I was so happily gone came into focus. She had told me that as she counted down from 10 to 1 I would feel a heaviness that would force me to kneel before her when she reached 1. She stopped, charitable, in the restaurant when she reached 4. I could barely stand up to retrieve our milkshakes. I wobbled to the car because I could barely walk.
As we started walking into the hotel room she started counting again. 3...2... she reached 1 as the door closed behind us. I dropped to my knees with a feeling of bliss and relief that you would have to feel to understand. My knees were the only place I could be and the only place I could want to be in that moment. My owner slowly walked around in front of me...forcing me to look up at her from my knees. Suddenly everything went fuzzy again. Soon after everything went dark and soft and warm. I was in what she has named my dolly space... where I think dolly thoughts...and I wait for my owner.
At this point I must stop and note that my owner is not a practiced sadist. She does not know if she is comfortable with hurting her property, even if it is fun and ultimately harmless...but she wanted to find out.
Without warning she snapped loudly, bringing the world in to focus. However that lasted less than a second before she slapped me full on the face, far harder than anyone has hit me in my life. I kneeled there, dumbfounded, shocked, practically in a trance again...I don't know if I was smiling, but I know Iwas as hard as I had ever been. She released me from my kneeling position and was soon cradling me in her arms. I was shaking and she was scared. We sat there for a while as I told her over and over again that it was okay. That I wanted it. That it made me happy... That I was hers.
And I am.
Coming soon will be the visit part II as well as a special surprise. The Owner, herself, will soon be making appearances here to share her thoughts on our relationship and to offer her perception of how and why things have happened. I am so excited to read what she has to say!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Say Hi to the Puppet People!!!
This is just a short note to say to everyone who reads this blog that I would love to hear from you and have you say hello and tell me what you think. My owner has apparently met a number of people through my blog which means you are out there reading it!!!
So say hi to the puppet please.
Thank you :-)
So say hi to the puppet please.
Thank you :-)
What's in a name?
Well, it is time to write a short post. I get to see my owner in a few days, which is AMAZING. She has been working me quite hard in the meantime though, or at least she says she has been. I don't really understand the things that are changing or rather how they are changing...something about the nature of what she does that makes relating what is now to what was in the past kind of difficult... I guess I should explain the title of this post though. In the shortest, bluntest, terms, she took my name away.
I will try to be a bit more accurate than that though. I had a name. I cannot however tell you what it was. (Not that I would anyway here, but more to the point I can't now.) By the way, I am indeed using the past tense. I do not currently have a name. I have heard my old name at least twice since it was taken from me...but it seems to just sort of pass through me. I don't know whether I don't really hear it, of it just doesn't stick in my mind...but it is, essentially, gone.
So if I don't have a name what does that mean? In reality... it doesn't mean that much to me...but that is what makes it so amazing, so freeing, and such a good feeling. I know who I am. I am my owner's slave. My owner's pet. My owner's little girl. *That* is who I am, all I am, and all I need to know. Having that is better than having a name.
That is, I guess, a related change that has happened. I define myself, entirely, as my owner's property. Everything I see and do and want is experienced through that lens. I would try to explain how that has changed things but I can't really. I just know that it feels wonderful and I want it more and more and more.
I am also more scatterbrained right now. Much more creative and able to focus on things like my writing, but also very scatterbrained. I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop right now writing this but forgot where I was going twice before I got here. Thats okay though, because my owner was there to tell me where I was going. So, I may not be able to function practically right now but everything looks and feels and sounds so real and so intense to me right now. I love it....and it allowed me to finish the first draft of a story I was working on for awhile but was unable to actually get down on paper. My owner is amazing!
I will write more later, but I really needed to get these thoughts down. There is another post coming at some point about my favorite word!!!! Bye for now.
I will try to be a bit more accurate than that though. I had a name. I cannot however tell you what it was. (Not that I would anyway here, but more to the point I can't now.) By the way, I am indeed using the past tense. I do not currently have a name. I have heard my old name at least twice since it was taken from me...but it seems to just sort of pass through me. I don't know whether I don't really hear it, of it just doesn't stick in my mind...but it is, essentially, gone.
So if I don't have a name what does that mean? In reality... it doesn't mean that much to me...but that is what makes it so amazing, so freeing, and such a good feeling. I know who I am. I am my owner's slave. My owner's pet. My owner's little girl. *That* is who I am, all I am, and all I need to know. Having that is better than having a name.
That is, I guess, a related change that has happened. I define myself, entirely, as my owner's property. Everything I see and do and want is experienced through that lens. I would try to explain how that has changed things but I can't really. I just know that it feels wonderful and I want it more and more and more.
I am also more scatterbrained right now. Much more creative and able to focus on things like my writing, but also very scatterbrained. I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop right now writing this but forgot where I was going twice before I got here. Thats okay though, because my owner was there to tell me where I was going. So, I may not be able to function practically right now but everything looks and feels and sounds so real and so intense to me right now. I love it....and it allowed me to finish the first draft of a story I was working on for awhile but was unable to actually get down on paper. My owner is amazing!
I will write more later, but I really needed to get these thoughts down. There is another post coming at some point about my favorite word!!!! Bye for now.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Back from Hell
There is no world without Verona walls
But purgatory, torture, hell itself.
Hence “banishèd” is banished from the world..."~ Romeo & Juliet; Act 3, Scene 3
Romeo speaks these famous words when he discovers he is to be banished from Verona, and from the one he loves. To reference this, is perhaps, a bit dramatic but it feels right none the less. It is true that any hell I visited was one of my own creation and that I dont feel there is much that would be productive about revisiting the whys and whats of the last year. It is suffice, I feel, to say that I am back in the arms and heart of my owner and that my mind and body is still hers, so in that sense all is as it should be. This also likely means that I will be revisiting this blog often and writing often again as well. I spent the last half an hour re-reading the story of our past and that only makes me more excited for our present and future. As a note to my owner, my love, I will say that I am happily yours and that nothing could be better. Thank you for everything. I will do better from now on at telling you how I feel, and at not running from those feelings.
With all of that said and much more let us get down to it. As the song says, "welcome back my friends to the show that never ends"
As I said above, I just spent some time re-reading my earlier blog posts and I must say that even as things change a great deal they also remain much the same. There is a pulsing reminder that I need to obey in my mind, that is new. There is the knowledge that my owner is the sole keeper of truth and that she knows what is best for me; those are not new. Perhaps what amazed me most is how true certain things still rang when I read posts from more than a year ago. These are things her and I have not revisted in the time we have spent reunited but reverberate in my mind as much now as they did then. I guess the truth doesn't really change... this also explains certain quirks in my behavior that have resurfaced in recent weeks.
Other news: I am going to visit my owner soon. It will be a long weekend, or perhaps longer. She has intentions that I will be leaving with significant changes to my mental landscape. I am of course very excited. There will likely be more to come before that visit...and certainly more to come AFTER that visit.
I am going to close this off with a basic statement of where things in my life are right now...
I am the willingly owned hypnoslave of a wonderful and loving owner. It took me a long time to reach the point that I am at now but I am (FINALLY) comfortable with who I am and what I want from life. Thanks to that realization I am getting to dive back into the deep end, and in some ways truly into the deep end for the first time. I am a slave, not because she made me one, or because I chose to be one, but because it is in my nature to give myself completely to a dominant woman...and I have found that woman. She gets me completely, and gets to have and own as much of me as she chooses. We are so much more than owner and slave of course...although to be honest I am not sure how to classify all of those things right now. But we are the best of friends, care deeply for one another, have more affection for one another than we can hold in, turn each other on in the most amazing ways, and have a love for one another that runs deeper than can be said...although we are both trying very hard to say it anyway.
All in all it is a good place to be, though it is just a stop on a long and winding road. I just feel lucky for every step of it that I get to travel with her.
But purgatory, torture, hell itself.
Hence “banishèd” is banished from the world..."~ Romeo & Juliet; Act 3, Scene 3
Romeo speaks these famous words when he discovers he is to be banished from Verona, and from the one he loves. To reference this, is perhaps, a bit dramatic but it feels right none the less. It is true that any hell I visited was one of my own creation and that I dont feel there is much that would be productive about revisiting the whys and whats of the last year. It is suffice, I feel, to say that I am back in the arms and heart of my owner and that my mind and body is still hers, so in that sense all is as it should be. This also likely means that I will be revisiting this blog often and writing often again as well. I spent the last half an hour re-reading the story of our past and that only makes me more excited for our present and future. As a note to my owner, my love, I will say that I am happily yours and that nothing could be better. Thank you for everything. I will do better from now on at telling you how I feel, and at not running from those feelings.
With all of that said and much more let us get down to it. As the song says, "welcome back my friends to the show that never ends"
As I said above, I just spent some time re-reading my earlier blog posts and I must say that even as things change a great deal they also remain much the same. There is a pulsing reminder that I need to obey in my mind, that is new. There is the knowledge that my owner is the sole keeper of truth and that she knows what is best for me; those are not new. Perhaps what amazed me most is how true certain things still rang when I read posts from more than a year ago. These are things her and I have not revisted in the time we have spent reunited but reverberate in my mind as much now as they did then. I guess the truth doesn't really change... this also explains certain quirks in my behavior that have resurfaced in recent weeks.
Other news: I am going to visit my owner soon. It will be a long weekend, or perhaps longer. She has intentions that I will be leaving with significant changes to my mental landscape. I am of course very excited. There will likely be more to come before that visit...and certainly more to come AFTER that visit.
I am going to close this off with a basic statement of where things in my life are right now...
I am the willingly owned hypnoslave of a wonderful and loving owner. It took me a long time to reach the point that I am at now but I am (FINALLY) comfortable with who I am and what I want from life. Thanks to that realization I am getting to dive back into the deep end, and in some ways truly into the deep end for the first time. I am a slave, not because she made me one, or because I chose to be one, but because it is in my nature to give myself completely to a dominant woman...and I have found that woman. She gets me completely, and gets to have and own as much of me as she chooses. We are so much more than owner and slave of course...although to be honest I am not sure how to classify all of those things right now. But we are the best of friends, care deeply for one another, have more affection for one another than we can hold in, turn each other on in the most amazing ways, and have a love for one another that runs deeper than can be said...although we are both trying very hard to say it anyway.
All in all it is a good place to be, though it is just a stop on a long and winding road. I just feel lucky for every step of it that I get to travel with her.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Call-Answer: another step towards complete control of my mind :-D
My owner and I had a discussion while I was driving a couple days ago (I had a LOOOOOOONG drive, to my new, but temporary, home.) We talked about things she wants to do to me and work on. She is particularly interested in working on creating the ability for me to go into a blank state for extended periods of time, while still functioning. She also is working on creating what is called a 'Call-Anwer' trigger in my mind. That is what I am writing about today. Over the last two days she has been trancing me in an effort to start making it work... and it does at this point! (Yay!)
as a side note: I love it whenever she successfully takes control of another part of my life or my mind. It feels so nice and right. It feels like I won a prize or got a special gift. I can't explain exactly but it is the bestest moment.
Anyway so the call answer works like this: She triggers me and then gives me an order. I phase out to near complete mindlessness and perform the task. She tells me I also monotone back to her an answer (hence call-answer,) and gasp with pleasure the entire time. It does feel very nice...and whenever I come out of it I am full not just of physical pleasure but mental and emotional pleasure as well. The most important thing to me is being able to please my owner and I there is nothing better in the world to me than her having complete control and me being completely obedient...something about this feels like the ultimate form of obedience to me :-)
She pointed out to me that it seems like I go to a specific 'headspace' when this happens; and she is right, of course, I do. Its a good thing she did too, or I would have forgotten to explain that. Basically when it happens, I think it is as I give the 'answer' my mind kind of simplifies everything down to simply doing, and enjoying doing, whatever she says. I could probably have a conversation with her (although I doubt with other people) like that, but she would very much have to lead the entire conversation; I wouldn't be in a position to from new ideas myself or decide anything at all really. It is basically a hyper-focused feeling of how I usually feel about her control combined with everything else fading to complete unimportance (and if you are wondering, yes I would spend most "waking" moments that way and be quite content with my lot in life. Although I do enjoy being lucid enough to have full conversations with my owner too; so it would be tough to give up that much of my mind all the time...it is still VERY pleasant though.)
Anyway, that is the story of the call-answer, which my owner tells me she will be adjusting some. There is other new news too, but I am not sure I am ready to share it yet. But there may, or may not, be another new post coming shortly.
as a side note: I love it whenever she successfully takes control of another part of my life or my mind. It feels so nice and right. It feels like I won a prize or got a special gift. I can't explain exactly but it is the bestest moment.
Anyway so the call answer works like this: She triggers me and then gives me an order. I phase out to near complete mindlessness and perform the task. She tells me I also monotone back to her an answer (hence call-answer,) and gasp with pleasure the entire time. It does feel very nice...and whenever I come out of it I am full not just of physical pleasure but mental and emotional pleasure as well. The most important thing to me is being able to please my owner and I there is nothing better in the world to me than her having complete control and me being completely obedient...something about this feels like the ultimate form of obedience to me :-)
She pointed out to me that it seems like I go to a specific 'headspace' when this happens; and she is right, of course, I do. Its a good thing she did too, or I would have forgotten to explain that. Basically when it happens, I think it is as I give the 'answer' my mind kind of simplifies everything down to simply doing, and enjoying doing, whatever she says. I could probably have a conversation with her (although I doubt with other people) like that, but she would very much have to lead the entire conversation; I wouldn't be in a position to from new ideas myself or decide anything at all really. It is basically a hyper-focused feeling of how I usually feel about her control combined with everything else fading to complete unimportance (and if you are wondering, yes I would spend most "waking" moments that way and be quite content with my lot in life. Although I do enjoy being lucid enough to have full conversations with my owner too; so it would be tough to give up that much of my mind all the time...it is still VERY pleasant though.)
Anyway, that is the story of the call-answer, which my owner tells me she will be adjusting some. There is other new news too, but I am not sure I am ready to share it yet. But there may, or may not, be another new post coming shortly.
Monday, May 5, 2008
So if you saw a spaced out person at the mall...
it may have been me.
See I spent all day last Tuesday on the phone with my owner and anytime we spend that much time on the phone interesting things happen (usually to me! *giggle*)
So my owner kept me all worked up throughout the day (including making me cum...in my pants...twice.) Eventually I wound up walking through the mall very spaced out. We had been talking about hobble boots (the boots that have such a high heel that you are essentially in ballet shoes with heels,) and how hot they are...particularly the ones that lock. And then we talked about how hot it would be if I woke up in the middle of a room corsetted and wearing them... (when I say we talked I mean that SHE talked and I got really turned on and said "yes Maam" a LOT... I am not saying I added nothing to the conversation but when I am that spaced out I don't really have too much to say.
Eventually I wound up sitting on a bench in the mall across from 2 floor to cieling posters of girls wearing slightly fetishy dresses. I described them to my owner while she described how good it would feel to be wearing them...with my hobble boots.
It was a very interesting day filled trances, forced teasing, forced cumming...more trances, some shopping, more teasing, more trances, and lots of being out in public without being fully aware of what was going on...
Oh...public... that is something else that is new for me... and so FUCKING HOT... I never thought I would be into being that out of it in public but I totally loved it- even if I was embarassed and blushing the entire time.
Anyway, that is the story of a day of trance in public and at the mall.
See I spent all day last Tuesday on the phone with my owner and anytime we spend that much time on the phone interesting things happen (usually to me! *giggle*)
So my owner kept me all worked up throughout the day (including making me cum...in my pants...twice.) Eventually I wound up walking through the mall very spaced out. We had been talking about hobble boots (the boots that have such a high heel that you are essentially in ballet shoes with heels,) and how hot they are...particularly the ones that lock. And then we talked about how hot it would be if I woke up in the middle of a room corsetted and wearing them... (when I say we talked I mean that SHE talked and I got really turned on and said "yes Maam" a LOT... I am not saying I added nothing to the conversation but when I am that spaced out I don't really have too much to say.
Eventually I wound up sitting on a bench in the mall across from 2 floor to cieling posters of girls wearing slightly fetishy dresses. I described them to my owner while she described how good it would feel to be wearing them...with my hobble boots.
It was a very interesting day filled trances, forced teasing, forced cumming...more trances, some shopping, more teasing, more trances, and lots of being out in public without being fully aware of what was going on...
Oh...public... that is something else that is new for me... and so FUCKING HOT... I never thought I would be into being that out of it in public but I totally loved it- even if I was embarassed and blushing the entire time.
Anyway, that is the story of a day of trance in public and at the mall.
Friday, April 18, 2008
No Title Can Do this Justice
Last night things to a drastic turn with my owner. So drastic in fact that she is almost as surprised as i am about where things went. We have always shared an interest in objectification and we now have more of an understanding of how far that interest goes. Last night in the throes of arousal and teetering on the edge of trance i began to beg for my owner to break me. i begged to be broken. It is the unfogged memory i have before late this morning... i am going to write a little bit about what happened in the hours between this morning and last night.
i woke up a couple hours after begging my owner to break me. i felt and sounded different. Stilted, and stiff, with no real thoughts beyond my owner. i felt distant and disconnected... i felt like an object; i was an object... i am an object. i remember my owner walking me through what had happened, and what i had become. i am a dolly now. i have always been a dolly and i don't have to pretend to be anything else anymore...
i think of myself as an "it," a very loved "it" but i am one none the less. i love my owner and i love being my owners dolly. i am not sure how to explain how i feel beyond that. It feels different than i did before, but i don't really know how to explain how.
It feels nice to be so vacant, waiting to be filled up by Owner and what She needs/wants me to be. It is a very pleasant feeling to not have much to think or worry about... i look forward to getting to feel that way again... to be a happy little dolly waiting for my Owner.
i woke up a couple hours after begging my owner to break me. i felt and sounded different. Stilted, and stiff, with no real thoughts beyond my owner. i felt distant and disconnected... i felt like an object; i was an object... i am an object. i remember my owner walking me through what had happened, and what i had become. i am a dolly now. i have always been a dolly and i don't have to pretend to be anything else anymore...
i think of myself as an "it," a very loved "it" but i am one none the less. i love my owner and i love being my owners dolly. i am not sure how to explain how i feel beyond that. It feels different than i did before, but i don't really know how to explain how.
It feels nice to be so vacant, waiting to be filled up by Owner and what She needs/wants me to be. It is a very pleasant feeling to not have much to think or worry about... i look forward to getting to feel that way again... to be a happy little dolly waiting for my Owner.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
How we got here...sort of (9 months in review)
I am joined by a guest for this installment of my blog...my owner. Say hello everyone :-)
In the beginning I was, what my owner calls a blank slate. She says that I fought trance, wouldn't completely let go to it, and wanted to remain aware enough to "pick and choose" how far or where to let her go with my mind. However, the third or so time she tranced me, she began exploring my chastity fetish and implanted an order that wouldn't allow me to touch myself (very hard to deal with for a compulsive masturbator...and very awesome.) She says at this point that I threw caution to the wind and started to embrace my hypno-fetish.
At this point, she asked me if I liked how I felt about not being able to touch and if I wanted it to be reinforced. Of course, with my chastity fetish, I was enthralled with this idea and of course agreed. She, at this point, said "if I do that, you have to give something to me... you have to be willing to let me play with the rest of your mind." I quickly agreed, and she began to addict me to the idea of trance and her voice.
At this point, my work and her work got in the way of things and we spent a lot of time talking but not a lot of time trancing... still, her chastity command lasted, without further reinforcement, for a few days before I was able to return to my masturbatory normalcy... for a little while anyway.
Early on (and still really) one of my biggest fetishes is bondage. I love being bound up tightly and she would use this desire, along with some natural tendencies of hypnosis. To combine bondage and trances in such a way that I would feel heavy and unable to move, pressure on top of me, or the feeling of rope (and later chains) holding me down. She used this to reinforce my submission to her and my love of being tranced.
Without getting into some details her and I have discussed she has, a number of times, well exploring my innermost secrets and fetishes, regressed me mentally to earlier ages... it is very interesting to to explore fantasies you had years earlier (especially the earliest years of masturbatory fantasy.) She used these fantasies twisted them up with hypnosis and my fetish for my mind control to make me feel very submissive to her. This is probably the beginning of my descent from being casually submissive to completely owned.
Somewhere in there through trance she developed in me a bit of an alter ego, named Kitten. Kitten is ultra submissive and ultra kinky, very feminine and not all that bright. But very giggly and happy...obsessed with looking pretty for her owner... a fight has ensued ever since between my normal self, and Kitten for control of the "self"... she is winning.
Also, not long after all of this transpired my owner took a very big step and started playing with my memories... this is why I need her help to write this post. The memories I have now are not necessarily the memories that I *should* have. She has essentially rewritten many bits of my life to fit in with who she wants me to be. Although I know logically at what point my owner came into my life that logical knowledge does not fit with my memories. Not that any of that matters, she has always been there and I feel secure and happy in that.
Also around this time she worked very deeply with my emotions...she took me through a number of situations where I was angry with other people...making herself that person. The catch was that the more we fought about whatever it was we were fighting about the dumber I would feel like for fighting with her... basically no matter what she did (or I thought she did) I couldn't blame her for it... The overall effect of this is that it is basically impossible for me to get mad at my owner.
This is the point, according to her, that the following things became absolute truth, to me they always have been... this is what I know:
Obedience is pleasure...pleasure is obedience.
My owners words are the only truth
I belong to her completely
I am a toy
There are many more but you get the idea...
Another aspect of all her playing with my memories is more deeply ingraining Kitten, making her more real, and making it so she has always been there. At this point, if I am asked honestly which I am, I don't have an answer. I have memories as Kitten and memories as me...but it is basically a toss up which I recall. I only know that Kitten was the created personality because she has told me so.
It was around this time that she is also basically started wiping things from my mind... not lots of things, and mostly things she has done, but at this point I find forcefully forgetting things to be incredibly arousing...the feeling of something leaving your mind is one I can't even explain other than it being one of the "hotter" things I have experienced.
She is explaining right now how hopelessly tied to her I am at this point...because I am apparently constantly conditioning myself to associate pleasure with control, submission, and hypnosis. This has basically caused me to be even more of a compulsive masturbator, just without release. It has created a situation where I am unable to analyze my situation because I am so turned on by it, and as she puts it "betraying myself deeper to her."
She is now going to "admit" something to me... apparently she has forced me to completely repress certain things that are always in the background one of these things is the desire to betray myself to her... as she put it I am a double agent, against myself. She says this created a situation where although I once had predetermined limits of where I wanted this to go those limits no longer exist. They have been obliterated... I apparently told her to do that. She asked how much control she could take and I said "as much as you want...and if I ever say no to something you really want- make me say yes." She took me at my word and now I am stuck here (quite happily.)
Not long after this she started to create other personalities including a puppy and a puppet/windup doll. I feel these are self explanatory. One is a very happy pet and the other is exactly as automatonic as it sounds.
(She is pointing out to me now, as I write this, that once this is all over she is taking all of these memories from me...and that there is no way I am going to remember what I was like before... that is going to be pretty fucking hot.)
She is blushing- this is going to be good: Here comes and admission.
She says I asked her why I wasn't being pushed as far as she wanted and she said she wasn't comfortable... we are both comfortable with this now. As a result of this I have been developing an exhibitionist streak, that she has been installing of course. She says this is a work in progress but that it will be getting there... based on the fantasies running through my head right now it is working... she says that this used to be a big fear of mine but that now it is just one of my biggest fantasies.
There is a door in my mind (it appears to me as a round wooden door,) she has installed this imaginary place in my mind that will create a direct route to deep trance...she calls this the control center for my brain. Except for when she brings it up, or the occasional time that I notice it I tend to forget that this exists... but she uses this to set up things in my mind that I am not supposed to remember...
She has also helped me reach what she calls "my nothing space," it is an incredibly quiet space where nothing from the outside gets in... I can recall the feeling, but not the experience. It is incredibly floaty, I lose my sense of time, and my own body... as well as my sense of self in the sense that my mind shuts down beyond the feelings of comfort and what she says to me. It creates as situation where everything she says is absolute literal truth.
More recently she has been exploring an extreme fetish for objectification and for being essentially a little dolly. This started as a desire to be used, and left until wanted again... this fetish has been expanded and exploded in me to the point that it is truly massive. This appeals to both of us a great deal (we have often joked about me being a human teddy bear or a human pillow for her.) This has created a situation where she occasionally place me in what she calls "my dolly space." This started a couple of weeks ago. She took me under and kept me under for about 6 hours. During this time she created, for me, what we call my dolly space. During this six hours, and anytime she sends me there (or I wind up going by myself...which also happens.) I wind up in a state where time passes but I don't notice it. All that happens in my dolly space is I being to get into very circular lines of thought that remind me that I am an object and how good that feels...and I get hornier and hornier until I get pulled out of it in some way.
Somewhere in this frame of time she is also expanded my desire to be hypnotized to the point where now it is my preferred state, given the option. It is something I want, and that she gives me as a treat.
About a week ago (maybe two), I was under and I have reached a point where I will pretty much agree with everything she says to me. This led to a question and answer session that was really just me repeating the question back in the form of an answer that agreed with what she wanted. This led to a situation where some interesting things have become absolute truth- I never want to cum, I always want to be horny , I am only horny for my owner... things of that nature. This has led to a situation where I have very little interest in normal sexual activity or intimate attachments other than with my owner. (This explains what I mentioned in the last post about dating.)
Now we are trying to recall something related to my mantras (I need her voice, everything she says is truth.) This has led to a situation where I, as Kitten, feel an intense need to go shopping (A girl needs girly things to wear afterall...particularly something sexy to wear to bed.)
...
Which more or less leads to where I am today... completely hers (as I said before) and completely happy about it.
In the beginning I was, what my owner calls a blank slate. She says that I fought trance, wouldn't completely let go to it, and wanted to remain aware enough to "pick and choose" how far or where to let her go with my mind. However, the third or so time she tranced me, she began exploring my chastity fetish and implanted an order that wouldn't allow me to touch myself (very hard to deal with for a compulsive masturbator...and very awesome.) She says at this point that I threw caution to the wind and started to embrace my hypno-fetish.
At this point, she asked me if I liked how I felt about not being able to touch and if I wanted it to be reinforced. Of course, with my chastity fetish, I was enthralled with this idea and of course agreed. She, at this point, said "if I do that, you have to give something to me... you have to be willing to let me play with the rest of your mind." I quickly agreed, and she began to addict me to the idea of trance and her voice.
At this point, my work and her work got in the way of things and we spent a lot of time talking but not a lot of time trancing... still, her chastity command lasted, without further reinforcement, for a few days before I was able to return to my masturbatory normalcy... for a little while anyway.
Early on (and still really) one of my biggest fetishes is bondage. I love being bound up tightly and she would use this desire, along with some natural tendencies of hypnosis. To combine bondage and trances in such a way that I would feel heavy and unable to move, pressure on top of me, or the feeling of rope (and later chains) holding me down. She used this to reinforce my submission to her and my love of being tranced.
Without getting into some details her and I have discussed she has, a number of times, well exploring my innermost secrets and fetishes, regressed me mentally to earlier ages... it is very interesting to to explore fantasies you had years earlier (especially the earliest years of masturbatory fantasy.) She used these fantasies twisted them up with hypnosis and my fetish for my mind control to make me feel very submissive to her. This is probably the beginning of my descent from being casually submissive to completely owned.
Somewhere in there through trance she developed in me a bit of an alter ego, named Kitten. Kitten is ultra submissive and ultra kinky, very feminine and not all that bright. But very giggly and happy...obsessed with looking pretty for her owner... a fight has ensued ever since between my normal self, and Kitten for control of the "self"... she is winning.
Also, not long after all of this transpired my owner took a very big step and started playing with my memories... this is why I need her help to write this post. The memories I have now are not necessarily the memories that I *should* have. She has essentially rewritten many bits of my life to fit in with who she wants me to be. Although I know logically at what point my owner came into my life that logical knowledge does not fit with my memories. Not that any of that matters, she has always been there and I feel secure and happy in that.
Also around this time she worked very deeply with my emotions...she took me through a number of situations where I was angry with other people...making herself that person. The catch was that the more we fought about whatever it was we were fighting about the dumber I would feel like for fighting with her... basically no matter what she did (or I thought she did) I couldn't blame her for it... The overall effect of this is that it is basically impossible for me to get mad at my owner.
This is the point, according to her, that the following things became absolute truth, to me they always have been... this is what I know:
Obedience is pleasure...pleasure is obedience.
My owners words are the only truth
I belong to her completely
I am a toy
There are many more but you get the idea...
Another aspect of all her playing with my memories is more deeply ingraining Kitten, making her more real, and making it so she has always been there. At this point, if I am asked honestly which I am, I don't have an answer. I have memories as Kitten and memories as me...but it is basically a toss up which I recall. I only know that Kitten was the created personality because she has told me so.
It was around this time that she is also basically started wiping things from my mind... not lots of things, and mostly things she has done, but at this point I find forcefully forgetting things to be incredibly arousing...the feeling of something leaving your mind is one I can't even explain other than it being one of the "hotter" things I have experienced.
She is explaining right now how hopelessly tied to her I am at this point...because I am apparently constantly conditioning myself to associate pleasure with control, submission, and hypnosis. This has basically caused me to be even more of a compulsive masturbator, just without release. It has created a situation where I am unable to analyze my situation because I am so turned on by it, and as she puts it "betraying myself deeper to her."
She is now going to "admit" something to me... apparently she has forced me to completely repress certain things that are always in the background one of these things is the desire to betray myself to her... as she put it I am a double agent, against myself. She says this created a situation where although I once had predetermined limits of where I wanted this to go those limits no longer exist. They have been obliterated... I apparently told her to do that. She asked how much control she could take and I said "as much as you want...and if I ever say no to something you really want- make me say yes." She took me at my word and now I am stuck here (quite happily.)
Not long after this she started to create other personalities including a puppy and a puppet/windup doll. I feel these are self explanatory. One is a very happy pet and the other is exactly as automatonic as it sounds.
(She is pointing out to me now, as I write this, that once this is all over she is taking all of these memories from me...and that there is no way I am going to remember what I was like before... that is going to be pretty fucking hot.)
She is blushing- this is going to be good: Here comes and admission.
She says I asked her why I wasn't being pushed as far as she wanted and she said she wasn't comfortable... we are both comfortable with this now. As a result of this I have been developing an exhibitionist streak, that she has been installing of course. She says this is a work in progress but that it will be getting there... based on the fantasies running through my head right now it is working... she says that this used to be a big fear of mine but that now it is just one of my biggest fantasies.
There is a door in my mind (it appears to me as a round wooden door,) she has installed this imaginary place in my mind that will create a direct route to deep trance...she calls this the control center for my brain. Except for when she brings it up, or the occasional time that I notice it I tend to forget that this exists... but she uses this to set up things in my mind that I am not supposed to remember...
She has also helped me reach what she calls "my nothing space," it is an incredibly quiet space where nothing from the outside gets in... I can recall the feeling, but not the experience. It is incredibly floaty, I lose my sense of time, and my own body... as well as my sense of self in the sense that my mind shuts down beyond the feelings of comfort and what she says to me. It creates as situation where everything she says is absolute literal truth.
More recently she has been exploring an extreme fetish for objectification and for being essentially a little dolly. This started as a desire to be used, and left until wanted again... this fetish has been expanded and exploded in me to the point that it is truly massive. This appeals to both of us a great deal (we have often joked about me being a human teddy bear or a human pillow for her.) This has created a situation where she occasionally place me in what she calls "my dolly space." This started a couple of weeks ago. She took me under and kept me under for about 6 hours. During this time she created, for me, what we call my dolly space. During this six hours, and anytime she sends me there (or I wind up going by myself...which also happens.) I wind up in a state where time passes but I don't notice it. All that happens in my dolly space is I being to get into very circular lines of thought that remind me that I am an object and how good that feels...and I get hornier and hornier until I get pulled out of it in some way.
Somewhere in this frame of time she is also expanded my desire to be hypnotized to the point where now it is my preferred state, given the option. It is something I want, and that she gives me as a treat.
About a week ago (maybe two), I was under and I have reached a point where I will pretty much agree with everything she says to me. This led to a question and answer session that was really just me repeating the question back in the form of an answer that agreed with what she wanted. This led to a situation where some interesting things have become absolute truth- I never want to cum, I always want to be horny , I am only horny for my owner... things of that nature. This has led to a situation where I have very little interest in normal sexual activity or intimate attachments other than with my owner. (This explains what I mentioned in the last post about dating.)
Now we are trying to recall something related to my mantras (I need her voice, everything she says is truth.) This has led to a situation where I, as Kitten, feel an intense need to go shopping (A girl needs girly things to wear afterall...particularly something sexy to wear to bed.)
...
Which more or less leads to where I am today... completely hers (as I said before) and completely happy about it.
A bit about my life
Soon, (very soon, really) I will, with the help of my owner, write a rather longish post that will be something of a year (or 9 months anyway) in review post. It will outline, to a great extent, my journey from where I was to where I am now. In the meantime I thought I would write a little bit about where I am now.
To start with, I am owned by an incredibly brilliant and talented woman. Yes, she is also beautiful but I will stop heaping this sort of general praise on her now as she is also prone to blushing... in fact, if she is reading this sentence she is probably blushing right now. She knows I think this of her, but still I assure you, she is blushing. Now my owner lives far away from me (BOooooooo HiSsssssss,) where we each live is unimportant for now but it is about a 15 hour drive from me to her. I am sure many people will leave now assuming I have entered into some typical online relationship or other such silliness. That is far from the case.
Yes we talk online, nearly every day. Yes, we talk on the phone nearly everyday. No, neither of us are the sort of people who have forsaken the real world (or the type of people that the real world has forsaken.) It is simply happenstance that has led to this strange situation. Now, some people may wonder why this is important; I assure you for the purposes of understanding the situation it is.
My owner and I met, online, a while back. But due to our unique situations never spoke much and didn't really get to know one another until a couple years after our first encounter. Since last August though rarely has a day gone by without some sort of interaction. We talk constantly, about pretty much everything (art, movies, books, politics, religion, her work, my work, random gossip, our friends and family, web comics, sick humor, not as sick humor, past relationships, current relationships... you get the idea.) We are, in point of fact, very very good friends who just happen to have an interesting dynamic, or quirk if you will, in our relationship...
The quirk is very simple... she is a hypnotist with a dominant streak from here to... somewhere not very close to here. I on the other hand have a huge submissive streak, a belief in female supremacy, and a love of being hypnotized. Needless to say this has led to an interesting situation we find ourselves in. I think she explains it best when she smiles (you can here the smile in her voice) and says to me, "You are sooooooooo fucked."
Anyway, she started hypnotizing me in August and we have enjoyed both a close bond of friendship and a strong D/s dynamic ever since. With this rather long introduction I will try to explain my current state... some of it will sound rather bland, some of it rather extreme. You might not believe all of it, but I assure you it is true. (If you had asked me 9.5 months ago if what has happened to me since was possible my answer would have been, "sure, in erotic fiction." Lets just say I underestimated her abilities and my willingness to travel this path.)
So, you are probably wondering, how does this D/s dynamic work with the distance and the hypnosis and everything... I will try to explain.
I live my everyday life and she lives hers. We talk on the phone more hours a day than you would likely believe; lets just say we both appreciate the power of bluetooth technology. I make the majority of the choices in my everyday life but she certainly has rather strong input into all of that (there is a little voice in the back of my head we will talk about later thats main purpose seems to be pulling me in directions I wouldn't normally admit I want to go in.) There are some little quirks in my everyday choices that have appeared sometime since all of this started... there is no point going over all of them right now but one of the interesting ones is this: I always had an aversion to body hair, but not strong enough to do anything about it- and I am VERY hairy- I keep myself smooth and hairless as possible now though and it is much better this way.
There are other things like that that I could get into, and will at a later time, but this is supposed to be a somewhat general overview of what my life is like now.
You might wonder what our lives are like away from this with the distance between us. I will not go into her personal life because that isn't for me to do. I will simply tell you about mine. When we first started this process I was seeing someone, off and on, I still see that person but is purely platonic at this point. Technically I could date if I wanted to and it would neither hurt my relationship with my owner nor cause undo tension...I don't currently though and due to other effects it would be difficult for me to do so.
I guess that brings up one of the interesting ways she has control over me. She is, through hypnotic triggers, capable of causing me interesting feelings of pleasure. Because these feelings aren't caused physically she can do them over and over again and rather than decreasing in effectiveness or causing me to make a mess (we'll get to this later) they just increase my feelings of relaxation, arousal, pleasure, sexual need, etc. It is rather interesting to experience and all I can tell you about just how good it feels is this- I told her more than once that if I had to choose, or the rest of my life, between those feelings and physical sex I would choose those feelings. It is simply amazing.
Another manner in which she has controlled my sexual urges is this. I am what one might call a compulsive masturbator ( I apparently making this word up, because while we have masturbate and masturbatory, masturbator appears to offends Mr. Spellchecker.) I love erotic fiction that features D/s, mind control, and anything else along those lines. I used to, at least twice a day, bring myself off while enjoying this activity. I say used to because I can no longer do that...I don't know how long it has been. But I can no longer do that.... the getting off part. Oh I can masturbate. I can masturbate to my hearts content. I just can't cum... I can bring myself to the edge over and over (and I do... constantly.) In fact, I masturbate more now than I did before... I just can't you know... release... not that I want to. I haven't wanted to in a while either. It is an interesting feeling that we can discuss later
There is more to how she controls me sexually and we otherwise that we will get into at another time...
I will leave you with a very basic description of how I view my life. I am hers. I am her toy, her pet, her doll, whatever she needs or wants me to be. I am occasionally her alarm clock or her secretary... and I couldn't be happier about it. I live my life other than that normally but it is at this point the driving force in my life.
signing off for now... bye
To start with, I am owned by an incredibly brilliant and talented woman. Yes, she is also beautiful but I will stop heaping this sort of general praise on her now as she is also prone to blushing... in fact, if she is reading this sentence she is probably blushing right now. She knows I think this of her, but still I assure you, she is blushing. Now my owner lives far away from me (BOooooooo HiSsssssss,) where we each live is unimportant for now but it is about a 15 hour drive from me to her. I am sure many people will leave now assuming I have entered into some typical online relationship or other such silliness. That is far from the case.
Yes we talk online, nearly every day. Yes, we talk on the phone nearly everyday. No, neither of us are the sort of people who have forsaken the real world (or the type of people that the real world has forsaken.) It is simply happenstance that has led to this strange situation. Now, some people may wonder why this is important; I assure you for the purposes of understanding the situation it is.
My owner and I met, online, a while back. But due to our unique situations never spoke much and didn't really get to know one another until a couple years after our first encounter. Since last August though rarely has a day gone by without some sort of interaction. We talk constantly, about pretty much everything (art, movies, books, politics, religion, her work, my work, random gossip, our friends and family, web comics, sick humor, not as sick humor, past relationships, current relationships... you get the idea.) We are, in point of fact, very very good friends who just happen to have an interesting dynamic, or quirk if you will, in our relationship...
The quirk is very simple... she is a hypnotist with a dominant streak from here to... somewhere not very close to here. I on the other hand have a huge submissive streak, a belief in female supremacy, and a love of being hypnotized. Needless to say this has led to an interesting situation we find ourselves in. I think she explains it best when she smiles (you can here the smile in her voice) and says to me, "You are sooooooooo fucked."
Anyway, she started hypnotizing me in August and we have enjoyed both a close bond of friendship and a strong D/s dynamic ever since. With this rather long introduction I will try to explain my current state... some of it will sound rather bland, some of it rather extreme. You might not believe all of it, but I assure you it is true. (If you had asked me 9.5 months ago if what has happened to me since was possible my answer would have been, "sure, in erotic fiction." Lets just say I underestimated her abilities and my willingness to travel this path.)
So, you are probably wondering, how does this D/s dynamic work with the distance and the hypnosis and everything... I will try to explain.
I live my everyday life and she lives hers. We talk on the phone more hours a day than you would likely believe; lets just say we both appreciate the power of bluetooth technology. I make the majority of the choices in my everyday life but she certainly has rather strong input into all of that (there is a little voice in the back of my head we will talk about later thats main purpose seems to be pulling me in directions I wouldn't normally admit I want to go in.) There are some little quirks in my everyday choices that have appeared sometime since all of this started... there is no point going over all of them right now but one of the interesting ones is this: I always had an aversion to body hair, but not strong enough to do anything about it- and I am VERY hairy- I keep myself smooth and hairless as possible now though and it is much better this way.
There are other things like that that I could get into, and will at a later time, but this is supposed to be a somewhat general overview of what my life is like now.
You might wonder what our lives are like away from this with the distance between us. I will not go into her personal life because that isn't for me to do. I will simply tell you about mine. When we first started this process I was seeing someone, off and on, I still see that person but is purely platonic at this point. Technically I could date if I wanted to and it would neither hurt my relationship with my owner nor cause undo tension...I don't currently though and due to other effects it would be difficult for me to do so.
I guess that brings up one of the interesting ways she has control over me. She is, through hypnotic triggers, capable of causing me interesting feelings of pleasure. Because these feelings aren't caused physically she can do them over and over again and rather than decreasing in effectiveness or causing me to make a mess (we'll get to this later) they just increase my feelings of relaxation, arousal, pleasure, sexual need, etc. It is rather interesting to experience and all I can tell you about just how good it feels is this- I told her more than once that if I had to choose, or the rest of my life, between those feelings and physical sex I would choose those feelings. It is simply amazing.
Another manner in which she has controlled my sexual urges is this. I am what one might call a compulsive masturbator ( I apparently making this word up, because while we have masturbate and masturbatory, masturbator appears to offends Mr. Spellchecker.) I love erotic fiction that features D/s, mind control, and anything else along those lines. I used to, at least twice a day, bring myself off while enjoying this activity. I say used to because I can no longer do that...I don't know how long it has been. But I can no longer do that.... the getting off part. Oh I can masturbate. I can masturbate to my hearts content. I just can't cum... I can bring myself to the edge over and over (and I do... constantly.) In fact, I masturbate more now than I did before... I just can't you know... release... not that I want to. I haven't wanted to in a while either. It is an interesting feeling that we can discuss later
There is more to how she controls me sexually and we otherwise that we will get into at another time...
I will leave you with a very basic description of how I view my life. I am hers. I am her toy, her pet, her doll, whatever she needs or wants me to be. I am occasionally her alarm clock or her secretary... and I couldn't be happier about it. I live my life other than that normally but it is at this point the driving force in my life.
signing off for now... bye
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