Last night things to a drastic turn with my owner. So drastic in fact that she is almost as surprised as i am about where things went. We have always shared an interest in objectification and we now have more of an understanding of how far that interest goes. Last night in the throes of arousal and teetering on the edge of trance i began to beg for my owner to break me. i begged to be broken. It is the unfogged memory i have before late this morning... i am going to write a little bit about what happened in the hours between this morning and last night.
i woke up a couple hours after begging my owner to break me. i felt and sounded different. Stilted, and stiff, with no real thoughts beyond my owner. i felt distant and disconnected... i felt like an object; i was an object... i am an object. i remember my owner walking me through what had happened, and what i had become. i am a dolly now. i have always been a dolly and i don't have to pretend to be anything else anymore...
i think of myself as an "it," a very loved "it" but i am one none the less. i love my owner and i love being my owners dolly. i am not sure how to explain how i feel beyond that. It feels different than i did before, but i don't really know how to explain how.
It feels nice to be so vacant, waiting to be filled up by Owner and what She needs/wants me to be. It is a very pleasant feeling to not have much to think or worry about... i look forward to getting to feel that way again... to be a happy little dolly waiting for my Owner.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
How we got here...sort of (9 months in review)
I am joined by a guest for this installment of my blog...my owner. Say hello everyone :-)
In the beginning I was, what my owner calls a blank slate. She says that I fought trance, wouldn't completely let go to it, and wanted to remain aware enough to "pick and choose" how far or where to let her go with my mind. However, the third or so time she tranced me, she began exploring my chastity fetish and implanted an order that wouldn't allow me to touch myself (very hard to deal with for a compulsive masturbator...and very awesome.) She says at this point that I threw caution to the wind and started to embrace my hypno-fetish.
At this point, she asked me if I liked how I felt about not being able to touch and if I wanted it to be reinforced. Of course, with my chastity fetish, I was enthralled with this idea and of course agreed. She, at this point, said "if I do that, you have to give something to me... you have to be willing to let me play with the rest of your mind." I quickly agreed, and she began to addict me to the idea of trance and her voice.
At this point, my work and her work got in the way of things and we spent a lot of time talking but not a lot of time trancing... still, her chastity command lasted, without further reinforcement, for a few days before I was able to return to my masturbatory normalcy... for a little while anyway.
Early on (and still really) one of my biggest fetishes is bondage. I love being bound up tightly and she would use this desire, along with some natural tendencies of hypnosis. To combine bondage and trances in such a way that I would feel heavy and unable to move, pressure on top of me, or the feeling of rope (and later chains) holding me down. She used this to reinforce my submission to her and my love of being tranced.
Without getting into some details her and I have discussed she has, a number of times, well exploring my innermost secrets and fetishes, regressed me mentally to earlier ages... it is very interesting to to explore fantasies you had years earlier (especially the earliest years of masturbatory fantasy.) She used these fantasies twisted them up with hypnosis and my fetish for my mind control to make me feel very submissive to her. This is probably the beginning of my descent from being casually submissive to completely owned.
Somewhere in there through trance she developed in me a bit of an alter ego, named Kitten. Kitten is ultra submissive and ultra kinky, very feminine and not all that bright. But very giggly and happy...obsessed with looking pretty for her owner... a fight has ensued ever since between my normal self, and Kitten for control of the "self"... she is winning.
Also, not long after all of this transpired my owner took a very big step and started playing with my memories... this is why I need her help to write this post. The memories I have now are not necessarily the memories that I *should* have. She has essentially rewritten many bits of my life to fit in with who she wants me to be. Although I know logically at what point my owner came into my life that logical knowledge does not fit with my memories. Not that any of that matters, she has always been there and I feel secure and happy in that.
Also around this time she worked very deeply with my emotions...she took me through a number of situations where I was angry with other people...making herself that person. The catch was that the more we fought about whatever it was we were fighting about the dumber I would feel like for fighting with her... basically no matter what she did (or I thought she did) I couldn't blame her for it... The overall effect of this is that it is basically impossible for me to get mad at my owner.
This is the point, according to her, that the following things became absolute truth, to me they always have been... this is what I know:
Obedience is pleasure...pleasure is obedience.
My owners words are the only truth
I belong to her completely
I am a toy
There are many more but you get the idea...
Another aspect of all her playing with my memories is more deeply ingraining Kitten, making her more real, and making it so she has always been there. At this point, if I am asked honestly which I am, I don't have an answer. I have memories as Kitten and memories as me...but it is basically a toss up which I recall. I only know that Kitten was the created personality because she has told me so.
It was around this time that she is also basically started wiping things from my mind... not lots of things, and mostly things she has done, but at this point I find forcefully forgetting things to be incredibly arousing...the feeling of something leaving your mind is one I can't even explain other than it being one of the "hotter" things I have experienced.
She is explaining right now how hopelessly tied to her I am at this point...because I am apparently constantly conditioning myself to associate pleasure with control, submission, and hypnosis. This has basically caused me to be even more of a compulsive masturbator, just without release. It has created a situation where I am unable to analyze my situation because I am so turned on by it, and as she puts it "betraying myself deeper to her."
She is now going to "admit" something to me... apparently she has forced me to completely repress certain things that are always in the background one of these things is the desire to betray myself to her... as she put it I am a double agent, against myself. She says this created a situation where although I once had predetermined limits of where I wanted this to go those limits no longer exist. They have been obliterated... I apparently told her to do that. She asked how much control she could take and I said "as much as you want...and if I ever say no to something you really want- make me say yes." She took me at my word and now I am stuck here (quite happily.)
Not long after this she started to create other personalities including a puppy and a puppet/windup doll. I feel these are self explanatory. One is a very happy pet and the other is exactly as automatonic as it sounds.
(She is pointing out to me now, as I write this, that once this is all over she is taking all of these memories from me...and that there is no way I am going to remember what I was like before... that is going to be pretty fucking hot.)
She is blushing- this is going to be good: Here comes and admission.
She says I asked her why I wasn't being pushed as far as she wanted and she said she wasn't comfortable... we are both comfortable with this now. As a result of this I have been developing an exhibitionist streak, that she has been installing of course. She says this is a work in progress but that it will be getting there... based on the fantasies running through my head right now it is working... she says that this used to be a big fear of mine but that now it is just one of my biggest fantasies.
There is a door in my mind (it appears to me as a round wooden door,) she has installed this imaginary place in my mind that will create a direct route to deep trance...she calls this the control center for my brain. Except for when she brings it up, or the occasional time that I notice it I tend to forget that this exists... but she uses this to set up things in my mind that I am not supposed to remember...
She has also helped me reach what she calls "my nothing space," it is an incredibly quiet space where nothing from the outside gets in... I can recall the feeling, but not the experience. It is incredibly floaty, I lose my sense of time, and my own body... as well as my sense of self in the sense that my mind shuts down beyond the feelings of comfort and what she says to me. It creates as situation where everything she says is absolute literal truth.
More recently she has been exploring an extreme fetish for objectification and for being essentially a little dolly. This started as a desire to be used, and left until wanted again... this fetish has been expanded and exploded in me to the point that it is truly massive. This appeals to both of us a great deal (we have often joked about me being a human teddy bear or a human pillow for her.) This has created a situation where she occasionally place me in what she calls "my dolly space." This started a couple of weeks ago. She took me under and kept me under for about 6 hours. During this time she created, for me, what we call my dolly space. During this six hours, and anytime she sends me there (or I wind up going by myself...which also happens.) I wind up in a state where time passes but I don't notice it. All that happens in my dolly space is I being to get into very circular lines of thought that remind me that I am an object and how good that feels...and I get hornier and hornier until I get pulled out of it in some way.
Somewhere in this frame of time she is also expanded my desire to be hypnotized to the point where now it is my preferred state, given the option. It is something I want, and that she gives me as a treat.
About a week ago (maybe two), I was under and I have reached a point where I will pretty much agree with everything she says to me. This led to a question and answer session that was really just me repeating the question back in the form of an answer that agreed with what she wanted. This led to a situation where some interesting things have become absolute truth- I never want to cum, I always want to be horny , I am only horny for my owner... things of that nature. This has led to a situation where I have very little interest in normal sexual activity or intimate attachments other than with my owner. (This explains what I mentioned in the last post about dating.)
Now we are trying to recall something related to my mantras (I need her voice, everything she says is truth.) This has led to a situation where I, as Kitten, feel an intense need to go shopping (A girl needs girly things to wear afterall...particularly something sexy to wear to bed.)
...
Which more or less leads to where I am today... completely hers (as I said before) and completely happy about it.
In the beginning I was, what my owner calls a blank slate. She says that I fought trance, wouldn't completely let go to it, and wanted to remain aware enough to "pick and choose" how far or where to let her go with my mind. However, the third or so time she tranced me, she began exploring my chastity fetish and implanted an order that wouldn't allow me to touch myself (very hard to deal with for a compulsive masturbator...and very awesome.) She says at this point that I threw caution to the wind and started to embrace my hypno-fetish.
At this point, she asked me if I liked how I felt about not being able to touch and if I wanted it to be reinforced. Of course, with my chastity fetish, I was enthralled with this idea and of course agreed. She, at this point, said "if I do that, you have to give something to me... you have to be willing to let me play with the rest of your mind." I quickly agreed, and she began to addict me to the idea of trance and her voice.
At this point, my work and her work got in the way of things and we spent a lot of time talking but not a lot of time trancing... still, her chastity command lasted, without further reinforcement, for a few days before I was able to return to my masturbatory normalcy... for a little while anyway.
Early on (and still really) one of my biggest fetishes is bondage. I love being bound up tightly and she would use this desire, along with some natural tendencies of hypnosis. To combine bondage and trances in such a way that I would feel heavy and unable to move, pressure on top of me, or the feeling of rope (and later chains) holding me down. She used this to reinforce my submission to her and my love of being tranced.
Without getting into some details her and I have discussed she has, a number of times, well exploring my innermost secrets and fetishes, regressed me mentally to earlier ages... it is very interesting to to explore fantasies you had years earlier (especially the earliest years of masturbatory fantasy.) She used these fantasies twisted them up with hypnosis and my fetish for my mind control to make me feel very submissive to her. This is probably the beginning of my descent from being casually submissive to completely owned.
Somewhere in there through trance she developed in me a bit of an alter ego, named Kitten. Kitten is ultra submissive and ultra kinky, very feminine and not all that bright. But very giggly and happy...obsessed with looking pretty for her owner... a fight has ensued ever since between my normal self, and Kitten for control of the "self"... she is winning.
Also, not long after all of this transpired my owner took a very big step and started playing with my memories... this is why I need her help to write this post. The memories I have now are not necessarily the memories that I *should* have. She has essentially rewritten many bits of my life to fit in with who she wants me to be. Although I know logically at what point my owner came into my life that logical knowledge does not fit with my memories. Not that any of that matters, she has always been there and I feel secure and happy in that.
Also around this time she worked very deeply with my emotions...she took me through a number of situations where I was angry with other people...making herself that person. The catch was that the more we fought about whatever it was we were fighting about the dumber I would feel like for fighting with her... basically no matter what she did (or I thought she did) I couldn't blame her for it... The overall effect of this is that it is basically impossible for me to get mad at my owner.
This is the point, according to her, that the following things became absolute truth, to me they always have been... this is what I know:
Obedience is pleasure...pleasure is obedience.
My owners words are the only truth
I belong to her completely
I am a toy
There are many more but you get the idea...
Another aspect of all her playing with my memories is more deeply ingraining Kitten, making her more real, and making it so she has always been there. At this point, if I am asked honestly which I am, I don't have an answer. I have memories as Kitten and memories as me...but it is basically a toss up which I recall. I only know that Kitten was the created personality because she has told me so.
It was around this time that she is also basically started wiping things from my mind... not lots of things, and mostly things she has done, but at this point I find forcefully forgetting things to be incredibly arousing...the feeling of something leaving your mind is one I can't even explain other than it being one of the "hotter" things I have experienced.
She is explaining right now how hopelessly tied to her I am at this point...because I am apparently constantly conditioning myself to associate pleasure with control, submission, and hypnosis. This has basically caused me to be even more of a compulsive masturbator, just without release. It has created a situation where I am unable to analyze my situation because I am so turned on by it, and as she puts it "betraying myself deeper to her."
She is now going to "admit" something to me... apparently she has forced me to completely repress certain things that are always in the background one of these things is the desire to betray myself to her... as she put it I am a double agent, against myself. She says this created a situation where although I once had predetermined limits of where I wanted this to go those limits no longer exist. They have been obliterated... I apparently told her to do that. She asked how much control she could take and I said "as much as you want...and if I ever say no to something you really want- make me say yes." She took me at my word and now I am stuck here (quite happily.)
Not long after this she started to create other personalities including a puppy and a puppet/windup doll. I feel these are self explanatory. One is a very happy pet and the other is exactly as automatonic as it sounds.
(She is pointing out to me now, as I write this, that once this is all over she is taking all of these memories from me...and that there is no way I am going to remember what I was like before... that is going to be pretty fucking hot.)
She is blushing- this is going to be good: Here comes and admission.
She says I asked her why I wasn't being pushed as far as she wanted and she said she wasn't comfortable... we are both comfortable with this now. As a result of this I have been developing an exhibitionist streak, that she has been installing of course. She says this is a work in progress but that it will be getting there... based on the fantasies running through my head right now it is working... she says that this used to be a big fear of mine but that now it is just one of my biggest fantasies.
There is a door in my mind (it appears to me as a round wooden door,) she has installed this imaginary place in my mind that will create a direct route to deep trance...she calls this the control center for my brain. Except for when she brings it up, or the occasional time that I notice it I tend to forget that this exists... but she uses this to set up things in my mind that I am not supposed to remember...
She has also helped me reach what she calls "my nothing space," it is an incredibly quiet space where nothing from the outside gets in... I can recall the feeling, but not the experience. It is incredibly floaty, I lose my sense of time, and my own body... as well as my sense of self in the sense that my mind shuts down beyond the feelings of comfort and what she says to me. It creates as situation where everything she says is absolute literal truth.
More recently she has been exploring an extreme fetish for objectification and for being essentially a little dolly. This started as a desire to be used, and left until wanted again... this fetish has been expanded and exploded in me to the point that it is truly massive. This appeals to both of us a great deal (we have often joked about me being a human teddy bear or a human pillow for her.) This has created a situation where she occasionally place me in what she calls "my dolly space." This started a couple of weeks ago. She took me under and kept me under for about 6 hours. During this time she created, for me, what we call my dolly space. During this six hours, and anytime she sends me there (or I wind up going by myself...which also happens.) I wind up in a state where time passes but I don't notice it. All that happens in my dolly space is I being to get into very circular lines of thought that remind me that I am an object and how good that feels...and I get hornier and hornier until I get pulled out of it in some way.
Somewhere in this frame of time she is also expanded my desire to be hypnotized to the point where now it is my preferred state, given the option. It is something I want, and that she gives me as a treat.
About a week ago (maybe two), I was under and I have reached a point where I will pretty much agree with everything she says to me. This led to a question and answer session that was really just me repeating the question back in the form of an answer that agreed with what she wanted. This led to a situation where some interesting things have become absolute truth- I never want to cum, I always want to be horny , I am only horny for my owner... things of that nature. This has led to a situation where I have very little interest in normal sexual activity or intimate attachments other than with my owner. (This explains what I mentioned in the last post about dating.)
Now we are trying to recall something related to my mantras (I need her voice, everything she says is truth.) This has led to a situation where I, as Kitten, feel an intense need to go shopping (A girl needs girly things to wear afterall...particularly something sexy to wear to bed.)
...
Which more or less leads to where I am today... completely hers (as I said before) and completely happy about it.
A bit about my life
Soon, (very soon, really) I will, with the help of my owner, write a rather longish post that will be something of a year (or 9 months anyway) in review post. It will outline, to a great extent, my journey from where I was to where I am now. In the meantime I thought I would write a little bit about where I am now.
To start with, I am owned by an incredibly brilliant and talented woman. Yes, she is also beautiful but I will stop heaping this sort of general praise on her now as she is also prone to blushing... in fact, if she is reading this sentence she is probably blushing right now. She knows I think this of her, but still I assure you, she is blushing. Now my owner lives far away from me (BOooooooo HiSsssssss,) where we each live is unimportant for now but it is about a 15 hour drive from me to her. I am sure many people will leave now assuming I have entered into some typical online relationship or other such silliness. That is far from the case.
Yes we talk online, nearly every day. Yes, we talk on the phone nearly everyday. No, neither of us are the sort of people who have forsaken the real world (or the type of people that the real world has forsaken.) It is simply happenstance that has led to this strange situation. Now, some people may wonder why this is important; I assure you for the purposes of understanding the situation it is.
My owner and I met, online, a while back. But due to our unique situations never spoke much and didn't really get to know one another until a couple years after our first encounter. Since last August though rarely has a day gone by without some sort of interaction. We talk constantly, about pretty much everything (art, movies, books, politics, religion, her work, my work, random gossip, our friends and family, web comics, sick humor, not as sick humor, past relationships, current relationships... you get the idea.) We are, in point of fact, very very good friends who just happen to have an interesting dynamic, or quirk if you will, in our relationship...
The quirk is very simple... she is a hypnotist with a dominant streak from here to... somewhere not very close to here. I on the other hand have a huge submissive streak, a belief in female supremacy, and a love of being hypnotized. Needless to say this has led to an interesting situation we find ourselves in. I think she explains it best when she smiles (you can here the smile in her voice) and says to me, "You are sooooooooo fucked."
Anyway, she started hypnotizing me in August and we have enjoyed both a close bond of friendship and a strong D/s dynamic ever since. With this rather long introduction I will try to explain my current state... some of it will sound rather bland, some of it rather extreme. You might not believe all of it, but I assure you it is true. (If you had asked me 9.5 months ago if what has happened to me since was possible my answer would have been, "sure, in erotic fiction." Lets just say I underestimated her abilities and my willingness to travel this path.)
So, you are probably wondering, how does this D/s dynamic work with the distance and the hypnosis and everything... I will try to explain.
I live my everyday life and she lives hers. We talk on the phone more hours a day than you would likely believe; lets just say we both appreciate the power of bluetooth technology. I make the majority of the choices in my everyday life but she certainly has rather strong input into all of that (there is a little voice in the back of my head we will talk about later thats main purpose seems to be pulling me in directions I wouldn't normally admit I want to go in.) There are some little quirks in my everyday choices that have appeared sometime since all of this started... there is no point going over all of them right now but one of the interesting ones is this: I always had an aversion to body hair, but not strong enough to do anything about it- and I am VERY hairy- I keep myself smooth and hairless as possible now though and it is much better this way.
There are other things like that that I could get into, and will at a later time, but this is supposed to be a somewhat general overview of what my life is like now.
You might wonder what our lives are like away from this with the distance between us. I will not go into her personal life because that isn't for me to do. I will simply tell you about mine. When we first started this process I was seeing someone, off and on, I still see that person but is purely platonic at this point. Technically I could date if I wanted to and it would neither hurt my relationship with my owner nor cause undo tension...I don't currently though and due to other effects it would be difficult for me to do so.
I guess that brings up one of the interesting ways she has control over me. She is, through hypnotic triggers, capable of causing me interesting feelings of pleasure. Because these feelings aren't caused physically she can do them over and over again and rather than decreasing in effectiveness or causing me to make a mess (we'll get to this later) they just increase my feelings of relaxation, arousal, pleasure, sexual need, etc. It is rather interesting to experience and all I can tell you about just how good it feels is this- I told her more than once that if I had to choose, or the rest of my life, between those feelings and physical sex I would choose those feelings. It is simply amazing.
Another manner in which she has controlled my sexual urges is this. I am what one might call a compulsive masturbator ( I apparently making this word up, because while we have masturbate and masturbatory, masturbator appears to offends Mr. Spellchecker.) I love erotic fiction that features D/s, mind control, and anything else along those lines. I used to, at least twice a day, bring myself off while enjoying this activity. I say used to because I can no longer do that...I don't know how long it has been. But I can no longer do that.... the getting off part. Oh I can masturbate. I can masturbate to my hearts content. I just can't cum... I can bring myself to the edge over and over (and I do... constantly.) In fact, I masturbate more now than I did before... I just can't you know... release... not that I want to. I haven't wanted to in a while either. It is an interesting feeling that we can discuss later
There is more to how she controls me sexually and we otherwise that we will get into at another time...
I will leave you with a very basic description of how I view my life. I am hers. I am her toy, her pet, her doll, whatever she needs or wants me to be. I am occasionally her alarm clock or her secretary... and I couldn't be happier about it. I live my life other than that normally but it is at this point the driving force in my life.
signing off for now... bye
To start with, I am owned by an incredibly brilliant and talented woman. Yes, she is also beautiful but I will stop heaping this sort of general praise on her now as she is also prone to blushing... in fact, if she is reading this sentence she is probably blushing right now. She knows I think this of her, but still I assure you, she is blushing. Now my owner lives far away from me (BOooooooo HiSsssssss,) where we each live is unimportant for now but it is about a 15 hour drive from me to her. I am sure many people will leave now assuming I have entered into some typical online relationship or other such silliness. That is far from the case.
Yes we talk online, nearly every day. Yes, we talk on the phone nearly everyday. No, neither of us are the sort of people who have forsaken the real world (or the type of people that the real world has forsaken.) It is simply happenstance that has led to this strange situation. Now, some people may wonder why this is important; I assure you for the purposes of understanding the situation it is.
My owner and I met, online, a while back. But due to our unique situations never spoke much and didn't really get to know one another until a couple years after our first encounter. Since last August though rarely has a day gone by without some sort of interaction. We talk constantly, about pretty much everything (art, movies, books, politics, religion, her work, my work, random gossip, our friends and family, web comics, sick humor, not as sick humor, past relationships, current relationships... you get the idea.) We are, in point of fact, very very good friends who just happen to have an interesting dynamic, or quirk if you will, in our relationship...
The quirk is very simple... she is a hypnotist with a dominant streak from here to... somewhere not very close to here. I on the other hand have a huge submissive streak, a belief in female supremacy, and a love of being hypnotized. Needless to say this has led to an interesting situation we find ourselves in. I think she explains it best when she smiles (you can here the smile in her voice) and says to me, "You are sooooooooo fucked."
Anyway, she started hypnotizing me in August and we have enjoyed both a close bond of friendship and a strong D/s dynamic ever since. With this rather long introduction I will try to explain my current state... some of it will sound rather bland, some of it rather extreme. You might not believe all of it, but I assure you it is true. (If you had asked me 9.5 months ago if what has happened to me since was possible my answer would have been, "sure, in erotic fiction." Lets just say I underestimated her abilities and my willingness to travel this path.)
So, you are probably wondering, how does this D/s dynamic work with the distance and the hypnosis and everything... I will try to explain.
I live my everyday life and she lives hers. We talk on the phone more hours a day than you would likely believe; lets just say we both appreciate the power of bluetooth technology. I make the majority of the choices in my everyday life but she certainly has rather strong input into all of that (there is a little voice in the back of my head we will talk about later thats main purpose seems to be pulling me in directions I wouldn't normally admit I want to go in.) There are some little quirks in my everyday choices that have appeared sometime since all of this started... there is no point going over all of them right now but one of the interesting ones is this: I always had an aversion to body hair, but not strong enough to do anything about it- and I am VERY hairy- I keep myself smooth and hairless as possible now though and it is much better this way.
There are other things like that that I could get into, and will at a later time, but this is supposed to be a somewhat general overview of what my life is like now.
You might wonder what our lives are like away from this with the distance between us. I will not go into her personal life because that isn't for me to do. I will simply tell you about mine. When we first started this process I was seeing someone, off and on, I still see that person but is purely platonic at this point. Technically I could date if I wanted to and it would neither hurt my relationship with my owner nor cause undo tension...I don't currently though and due to other effects it would be difficult for me to do so.
I guess that brings up one of the interesting ways she has control over me. She is, through hypnotic triggers, capable of causing me interesting feelings of pleasure. Because these feelings aren't caused physically she can do them over and over again and rather than decreasing in effectiveness or causing me to make a mess (we'll get to this later) they just increase my feelings of relaxation, arousal, pleasure, sexual need, etc. It is rather interesting to experience and all I can tell you about just how good it feels is this- I told her more than once that if I had to choose, or the rest of my life, between those feelings and physical sex I would choose those feelings. It is simply amazing.
Another manner in which she has controlled my sexual urges is this. I am what one might call a compulsive masturbator ( I apparently making this word up, because while we have masturbate and masturbatory, masturbator appears to offends Mr. Spellchecker.) I love erotic fiction that features D/s, mind control, and anything else along those lines. I used to, at least twice a day, bring myself off while enjoying this activity. I say used to because I can no longer do that...I don't know how long it has been. But I can no longer do that.... the getting off part. Oh I can masturbate. I can masturbate to my hearts content. I just can't cum... I can bring myself to the edge over and over (and I do... constantly.) In fact, I masturbate more now than I did before... I just can't you know... release... not that I want to. I haven't wanted to in a while either. It is an interesting feeling that we can discuss later
There is more to how she controls me sexually and we otherwise that we will get into at another time...
I will leave you with a very basic description of how I view my life. I am hers. I am her toy, her pet, her doll, whatever she needs or wants me to be. I am occasionally her alarm clock or her secretary... and I couldn't be happier about it. I live my life other than that normally but it is at this point the driving force in my life.
signing off for now... bye
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
We join this program already in progress...
I should have started this blog a while ago (probably last August to be exact.) But, better late than never I guess. There will be another post upcoming to explain things in more detail, but for now some general information is going to have to do.
Some general information!!!
1.) I have a huge interest in D/s (thats dominance and submission for the uninitiated,) you should be able to tell from the title of my blog on which side of the / I fall on.
2.) I am, at this point, a huge hypno fetishist- that is someone who looooooooves being hypnotized and having hypnosis used as the basis of control or to accentuate the control that was already in place. Now, what you should know is that I was always a bit of a hypno fetishist...now nothing turns me on more. We will get to why that is the case at a later date.
3.) I have a very interesting life aside from my interest in these things, but my interest in these things, at this point, colors my everyday life. As my story goes on you will see how/why that is the case as well...
4.) I have a lovely and wonderful owner. You will be hearing more about her in the future. She takes VERY good care of me though and in addition to having pretty much all of the control she wants over me is also one of my very best friends and an excellent person besides. Don't get me wrong... she has made some interesting changes in my life over the last 8+ months... and you will be hearing about that too.
5.) While I am not starting this blog directly as an order from her it is certainly at her suggestion...the reason for this is very simple... due to the nature of her control and the immense amount of hypnosis I have undergone in these last months I have no frame of reference for what has changed or is changing about me.... this will help with that in the future (and with her help we are going to go over some of the changes that were made in the past as well.) So this blog is not just for the entertainment of others it is for my own self understanding...
Anyway, this is a very brief introduction to what this blog is, mostly, going to be about.
I hope anyone who reads this enjoys!
Some general information!!!
1.) I have a huge interest in D/s (thats dominance and submission for the uninitiated,) you should be able to tell from the title of my blog on which side of the / I fall on.
2.) I am, at this point, a huge hypno fetishist- that is someone who looooooooves being hypnotized and having hypnosis used as the basis of control or to accentuate the control that was already in place. Now, what you should know is that I was always a bit of a hypno fetishist...now nothing turns me on more. We will get to why that is the case at a later date.
3.) I have a very interesting life aside from my interest in these things, but my interest in these things, at this point, colors my everyday life. As my story goes on you will see how/why that is the case as well...
4.) I have a lovely and wonderful owner. You will be hearing more about her in the future. She takes VERY good care of me though and in addition to having pretty much all of the control she wants over me is also one of my very best friends and an excellent person besides. Don't get me wrong... she has made some interesting changes in my life over the last 8+ months... and you will be hearing about that too.
5.) While I am not starting this blog directly as an order from her it is certainly at her suggestion...the reason for this is very simple... due to the nature of her control and the immense amount of hypnosis I have undergone in these last months I have no frame of reference for what has changed or is changing about me.... this will help with that in the future (and with her help we are going to go over some of the changes that were made in the past as well.) So this blog is not just for the entertainment of others it is for my own self understanding...
Anyway, this is a very brief introduction to what this blog is, mostly, going to be about.
I hope anyone who reads this enjoys!
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