Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A bit about my life

Soon, (very soon, really) I will, with the help of my owner, write a rather longish post that will be something of a year (or 9 months anyway) in review post. It will outline, to a great extent, my journey from where I was to where I am now. In the meantime I thought I would write a little bit about where I am now.

To start with, I am owned by an incredibly brilliant and talented woman. Yes, she is also beautiful but I will stop heaping this sort of general praise on her now as she is also prone to blushing... in fact, if she is reading this sentence she is probably blushing right now. She knows I think this of her, but still I assure you, she is blushing. Now my owner lives far away from me (BOooooooo HiSsssssss,) where we each live is unimportant for now but it is about a 15 hour drive from me to her. I am sure many people will leave now assuming I have entered into some typical online relationship or other such silliness. That is far from the case.

Yes we talk online, nearly every day. Yes, we talk on the phone nearly everyday. No, neither of us are the sort of people who have forsaken the real world (or the type of people that the real world has forsaken.) It is simply happenstance that has led to this strange situation. Now, some people may wonder why this is important; I assure you for the purposes of understanding the situation it is.

My owner and I met, online, a while back. But due to our unique situations never spoke much and didn't really get to know one another until a couple years after our first encounter. Since last August though rarely has a day gone by without some sort of interaction. We talk constantly, about pretty much everything (art, movies, books, politics, religion, her work, my work, random gossip, our friends and family, web comics, sick humor, not as sick humor, past relationships, current relationships... you get the idea.) We are, in point of fact, very very good friends who just happen to have an interesting dynamic, or quirk if you will, in our relationship...

The quirk is very simple... she is a hypnotist with a dominant streak from here to... somewhere not very close to here. I on the other hand have a huge submissive streak, a belief in female supremacy, and a love of being hypnotized. Needless to say this has led to an interesting situation we find ourselves in. I think she explains it best when she smiles (you can here the smile in her voice) and says to me, "You are sooooooooo fucked."

Anyway, she started hypnotizing me in August and we have enjoyed both a close bond of friendship and a strong D/s dynamic ever since. With this rather long introduction I will try to explain my current state... some of it will sound rather bland, some of it rather extreme. You might not believe all of it, but I assure you it is true. (If you had asked me 9.5 months ago if what has happened to me since was possible my answer would have been, "sure, in erotic fiction." Lets just say I underestimated her abilities and my willingness to travel this path.)

So, you are probably wondering, how does this D/s dynamic work with the distance and the hypnosis and everything... I will try to explain.

I live my everyday life and she lives hers. We talk on the phone more hours a day than you would likely believe; lets just say we both appreciate the power of bluetooth technology. I make the majority of the choices in my everyday life but she certainly has rather strong input into all of that (there is a little voice in the back of my head we will talk about later thats main purpose seems to be pulling me in directions I wouldn't normally admit I want to go in.) There are some little quirks in my everyday choices that have appeared sometime since all of this started... there is no point going over all of them right now but one of the interesting ones is this: I always had an aversion to body hair, but not strong enough to do anything about it- and I am VERY hairy- I keep myself smooth and hairless as possible now though and it is much better this way.

There are other things like that that I could get into, and will at a later time, but this is supposed to be a somewhat general overview of what my life is like now.

You might wonder what our lives are like away from this with the distance between us. I will not go into her personal life because that isn't for me to do. I will simply tell you about mine. When we first started this process I was seeing someone, off and on, I still see that person but is purely platonic at this point. Technically I could date if I wanted to and it would neither hurt my relationship with my owner nor cause undo tension...I don't currently though and due to other effects it would be difficult for me to do so.

I guess that brings up one of the interesting ways she has control over me. She is, through hypnotic triggers, capable of causing me interesting feelings of pleasure. Because these feelings aren't caused physically she can do them over and over again and rather than decreasing in effectiveness or causing me to make a mess (we'll get to this later) they just increase my feelings of relaxation, arousal, pleasure, sexual need, etc. It is rather interesting to experience and all I can tell you about just how good it feels is this- I told her more than once that if I had to choose, or the rest of my life, between those feelings and physical sex I would choose those feelings. It is simply amazing.

Another manner in which she has controlled my sexual urges is this. I am what one might call a compulsive masturbator ( I apparently making this word up, because while we have masturbate and masturbatory, masturbator appears to offends Mr. Spellchecker.) I love erotic fiction that features D/s, mind control, and anything else along those lines. I used to, at least twice a day, bring myself off while enjoying this activity. I say used to because I can no longer do that...I don't know how long it has been. But I can no longer do that.... the getting off part. Oh I can masturbate. I can masturbate to my hearts content. I just can't cum... I can bring myself to the edge over and over (and I do... constantly.) In fact, I masturbate more now than I did before... I just can't you know... release... not that I want to. I haven't wanted to in a while either. It is an interesting feeling that we can discuss later

There is more to how she controls me sexually and we otherwise that we will get into at another time...

I will leave you with a very basic description of how I view my life. I am hers. I am her toy, her pet, her doll, whatever she needs or wants me to be. I am occasionally her alarm clock or her secretary... and I couldn't be happier about it. I live my life other than that normally but it is at this point the driving force in my life.

signing off for now... bye

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